My Boyfriend Might Be Gay… Should I Stay?

This is a statement too common nowadays. It’s gone way beyond Terry McMillan, when ‘Stella Got Her Groove Back’. On more than one occasion I have been approached by women who have had their worlds rocked with this suspicion followed by facts. So now I want to know what YOU would do if:

You’re in love with a wonderful man, he loves you too and things look like they’re going great in the relationship, UNTIL… You come across his cell phone/text messages/e-mail/computer pictures (you weren’t actively looking for something fishy or maybe you were, the point is)  you have found questionable things. What are you to do? Ask him? Yes. Now you’ve asked him and he has denied being gay but hasn’t explained your findings, instead he insists that he wants to be with you and you have insulted him. Tables have turned, even now he may try harder to prove his manliness in affectionate ways to you. Last resort, he gives you an ultimatum: “Do you want to be with me? I love you and want to be with you, I want you to have my children. But if you can’t trust me then I don’t know what we’re doing here. You went through my things and then questioned me on it. If we are going to be in this relationship I have to trust you.”

I’ll give him this, he’s gooood with the talk! I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve heard this scenario played out. You would be surprised at the reactions, things don’t go as they should.

If this was your boyfriend, what would you do? Being “down low” doesn’t help anyone.

Recently I was asked my advice on this same type of situation, this was my response:

She should run! This is a stage of denial that no doubt in the long run will end in her heartache. It’s not a matter of having an issue with homosexuals it is a matter of being in an ill-fitted relationship. He may in fact love her but if he is attracted to men that is something he isn’t going to get over in a minute. She has to think about herself, it is unfair to her. If she is afraid of being alone she has to weigh her options: end a dead end relationship and save herself from heartache down the road when it’s too late VS carry on the relationship and spend the rest of her days questioning, worrying and eventually being scarred and hurt beyond reason. The choice is hers.

What is your advice? Help some one out who’s facing this same problem, they may be reading.


Posted on December 28, 2013, in Advice, Confidence, Life, Love, Relationships, Self-Help, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. I would advice anyone in this situation to leave as well. It’s living a lie and it will ultimately end badly. You have to find someone who loves you for you and is attracted to you otherwise your significant other will always have a uncontrollable yearning for more because he/she does not feel complete. In a healthy relationship you feel like your spouse completes you.

    • I would break up with the individual. You dont want to get aids, hiv or any disease for that matter. You can tell him that you suspects that he is gay or dl and thats his prerogative. Or you could choose not to tell him the reason why and just say you want out simple as that! I wouldn’t stay in a situation where I can end up not only emotionally scarred but physically as well meaning receiving a disease.

  2. This is actually very common now-a-days. There’s a retired basketball player Jason Collins who was dating his fiancé for years and she apparently found out he was gay after he came out on a tv interview. If a guy is gay or a woman a lesbian just keep it real, it’s not fair to other involved party. Some people were married and some dated for years, just to find their significant other “come out the closet”. If there’s a suspicion I would advise any woman to leave especially with some type of proof. No man should ever be in a position of being accused of being gay.

  3. Thanks for your responses! I hope someone was helped after reading this 🙂

  4. Best wishes here. I truly enjoyed that which you had stated. Keep going since you definitely bring a brand new voice for this subject. Very few people might say exactly what youve said but still make this interesting. Nicely, at least it’s very interested. Cant wait to determine more of the from a person.

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